No, not that Unhinged Video

I appreciate I literally just published a Medium piece today but … we gotta talk again. So, Trump was suspended by Twitter for inciting violence. And he’s currently facing either removal by the 25th Amendment or Impeachment. So in my head during this address just off camera Nancy Pelosi is lounging on a couch casually spinning a pair of handcuffs on her finger and staring meaningfully in Trump’s direction. He’s trying to sound … Presidentesque, but it’s so clear he doesn’t want to say any of it.

And also a lot of it is wrong.

He starts by addressing the “heinous” attack on the Capitol and … well, I’m more surprised that he was able to read that word than anything else. But also, given he explicitly incited that attack his claim that he’s “like all Americans outraged,” is a bit precious.

Then he says, and I quote “I immediately deployed the National Guard and Federal Law Enforcement to secure the building and expel the intruders.” Cool. Cool. Except no he didn’t. Pence did.

“America is and must always be a nation of law and order,” he said whilst glancing nervously at the diminutive octogenarian in the pink pantsuit and floral embroidery mask. (BTW, I loved Nancy’s mask today especially and I’m pretty sure the embroidery on it is in one of the traditional Hungarian styles, so if anyone knows where I can buy that or where I can link the company site that makes it, do let me know.)

Then he says, “to those who engaged in the acts of violence and destruction you do not represent our country and to those who broke the law you will pay.” So I just kinda want to get that clip and blare it like a tubist following white supremacists at all the white supremacists who supported his ugly orange butt. I mean, it’s kinda great. These people followed his incitements to violence during the debate and rallies and so forth, they listened to him stoke the fire when they were rioting and now that they’re being identified by the FBI he’s pretending he had no part in it. I imagine these people thought they were going to secure pardons from him but instead they’ll be facing prison sentences. So I am terribly amused that Mr. Law and Order himself now will actually face criminal prosecution and thinks he’ll escape it by selling his minions down the river.

The part in this video where I knew I’d have to write about it is where he tries to frame his absolutely unprecedented and naked attempts at election fraud and intimidation as protecting democracy. I can’t even make a joke about that. It’s just not funny. For power that he didn’t even know how to wield he spent about a decade now decrying the democratic process because women participate in it and the votes of Blacks and Latinxs are not always suppressed. He spread clearly fallacious and deeply racist rumours about Barack Obama. He made repulsive references to Hillary Clinton, Stacey Abrams, Kamala Harris, Nancy Pelosi and any other woman in the known world simply for his own amusement and because he was angry that everyone especially women sometimes of colour are better than he is in every conceivable way. But now that it has been explained to him probably with the use of sock puppets and bright colours that his criminal Presidency WILL be prosecuted … NOW he’s all for the democratic process.

“My only goal was to ensure the integrity of the vote,” my Covid quarantine thickened white behind. Nah. You were trying to suppress the votes of everyone who wasn’t white. You were trying to appeal to white grievance. You were trying to stoke white supremacy. It’s not legal and my ONLY consolation is that we’ll now be able to make an example of you and the absolute human trash that supported you.

He promises that his focus will be to help with the transition. Cool. Except that promise should have been made at the latest in mid November. Instead he not only didn’t concede until JUST NOW but a.) I’m not really sure this actually qualifies as a concession given the background and b.) he literally directed his underlings and minions to stop or impede the transition by any means necessary.

“This moment calls for healing and reconciliation.” No. This moment calls for impeachment and prosecution.

I’m especially angry that he thanks his supporters and says “our incredible journey is only just beginning.” Yes indeed. Your incredible journey to prison starts now.

Doctor of Palaeopathology, rage-prone optimist, stealth berserker, opera enthusiast, and insatiable consumer of academic journals.

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