“Much of This is Very Certified”

An hour-long descent into madness and attempted election fraud.

It’s been some time since I took a math class but I THOUGHT — erroneously as it turns out — that an imaginary number was like when you tried to take a square root of a negative number or something. That’s what I thought. Until just a moment a go I would have told you I read that in a textbook. But oh, no. No. An imaginary number is the number by which Donald Trump won Georgia. And apparently it is ever inflating.

Other imaginary numbers include but are not limited to the degree of criminality that Georgia Secretary of State, “BRAD,” is engaged in, how many ballots that lady whose name always gets bleeped brought in, all things concerning Stacey Abrams, the number of Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails, Barack Obama’s height, how much the military big-loves Trump even after he insulted them, and the demographics of Fulton County.

By the way, in case it wasn’t clear I’m not taking this seriously. I had planned to do a whole thing about the criminality of threatening, “BRAD,” aka GA Sec. of State Brad Raffensperger and demanding/suggesting he should fabricate Republican votes, ‘or else,’ and the undemocratic nature of this clear attempt to commit voter fraud but …y’all. I just listened to an hour of Trump rambling incoherently and two things: 1.) have mercy on the poor soul of whoever transcribed this 2.) I think Trump needs a higher dose. Or a lower dose. I have concerns re: his dosage. I also have suggestions, but I won’t print that in a public forum.

I was going to go through Trump’s *checks notes* arguments and refute them point by point and then I was going to make fun of some of the stuff he said. I mean the words, “They were stuffed like nobody has ever seen them stuffed before,” were uttered by a US President. I have so many jokes for this and NONE of them are appropriate. The cleanest among them concerns LBJ’s oft cited call to his tailor.

Anyways, I heard through … you know … Twitter, that this thing was going to be bad but I sort of thought the calls for impeachment might be a little far fetched.

Yeah … they’re not far-fetched. You could make the argument that Trump will be out in 16 days, so what’s the point, but I’m autistic and even I knew he was threatening Raffensperger. I have had people seriously threaten my life or job or what have you and thought they were expressing concern for my well-being until someone took me aside and told me how brave I am, because that is my autism level and I picked up on the implications here.

I know, “Stop the presses! Trump is an autocrat.”

I suppose I’ve buried the lead once again. Sorry. But nothing matters, evidently. I’m talking about this insane hour-long clearly sexist and racist and possibly anti-Semitic ramble call Trump made to Raffensperger to try to cajole or threaten him into changing the results of the Georgia election. You might ask, “But Ari, why would you subject yourself to that length of stupidity and insanity,” and I don’t know. Why do I do anything? I suppose I wanted to see if it was truly that insane so I guess it’s l’appel du vide.

Ages ago I wrote a thing on men being non-Euclidean and … yeah. It’s that.

Anyways, here’s another point by Marc Elias.

So beyond being a non-Euclidean/eldritch horror I don’t see the point.

About halfway through the transcript I just started circling how many times Trump said “Fulton County,” and it comes to *counts* a lot. It comes to a lot. He’s really got his knickers in a twist re: Fulton County. Now, going into this I didn’t actually know where Fulton County was so my notes have scribbled, “gonna guess this has a high demographic value for Democrats.” And that generally means the population has a reasonably high population of Black people. Black Americans are the most consistent liberal voters. Sooooooo …. for those of you who didn’t knoooooow …. I was right. Fulton County includes Atlanta and is over 44% Black. And yeah Trump got smashed there. I haven’t dug too deep on this but the percentages are kinda exactly what you’d expect them to be. Trump got 26% meaning he got all the white men and some of the white women and then his racist ass got TRASHED by the good people of Atlanta, Georgia.

At some point, part of that last sentence will become the title of low budget porn. Sorry. I don’t make the laws of the internet.

Near the end he starts trying to make what seem to me to be anti-Semitic remarks in Raffensperger’s general direction. He goes on about his name and then repeatedly reminds everyone he’s a lawyer. Here I may be reading a bit too much into it but why do you need to comment on his name, brah.

Zoolander (Paramount Pictures, 2001)

And of course all this took place with a backdrop of the New Republican Party better known as the Brogressives aka Cosplay Communists aka Further-Left-Than-Jesus-Horatio-Christ aka Julian-Assange-Was-Framed aka BernieWouldas trying to get the hashtag “FraudSquad” to trend because oh noes my homies and homerinas, the Democrats elected a WOMAN to the Speakership. And yeah they’ll try to explain it away in that said woman is Pelosi and she is old and likes ice cream and that’s bad now but given the alternative was literally named “McCarthy,” … I just … I mean, do I really have to explain this again? Can we just … I don’t know … NOT be misogynist? Would that be okay? Like, ever?

But yeah, I bring it up because we have Trump — still a sitting President mind you— misusing the powers of his office to try to force election fraud which is all on its own impeachable, definitely criminal, and possibly treasonous, and the Brogressives are trying to distract everyone from it. In the words of a small girl often quoted on a violin channel I obsessively follow, “interesting.”

So yeah, the Georgia special election where I’m hoping against hope that the two Democratic candidates prevail ends tomorrow evening. Republicans on all sides of the political spectrum (I SAID WHAT I SAID) are trying to get people not to vote in it. So, fine. Fine. Pelosi doesn’t need to retire. We can just work her all the way to her dying day like we did to Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

Doctor of Palaeopathology, rage-prone optimist, stealth berserker, opera enthusiast, and insatiable consumer of academic journals.

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