More Weird Emails from the Clown in the Oval

Let it never be said that Trump’s inanity is restricted to tweet form

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Forgive my sloppiness in trimming this. I gave it all the dedication it deserved.

I REFUSE to unsubscribe from the Trump team email list because it is COMEDY GOLD. No, seriously. Do you feel like a failure? Do you feel dumb and as if you may be an underachiever? Do you feel like you’ll never take off in whatever profession you’ve chosen? Well read this and you will immediately feel better about yourself because it takes effort to fail this hard.

And honestly, before we even get into the text of this nightmare let’s talk about those links. This time, this time, they managed to sort that out. The red buttons are actually links. I don’t know that they record anything but when you click on them they take you to a CAPTCHA page (I had to pick out umbrellas) and then afterwards to a page which I’m not linking because I’m not helping the old fart, but which is nonetheless hilarious given I clicked “NO” each time.

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No need to thank me, Sir Verbal Flatulence of the Dangerously Idiotic, I said I’m NOT standing with your ugly butt.

Also, can we just take a moment to recognise that this is the picture he apparently approved? I mean I don’t normally approve of the use of Photoshop, but I don’t have more waddles than a turkey so in his case … maybe break out the software so you DON’T look like Jabba finally found a tailor.

But … Okay so … I mean, I know no one asked me but I have to pen a response to this … truly amazing email. So here we go.

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that Donald Trump does not have the literary intelligence to get this joke.

Anyways, yeah. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. I understand that all campaign emails are a little corny. In all seriousness I am on Biden’s, Obama’s, Hillary’s and I was on Harris’ lists. But at least their links work. At least their emails don’t spontaneously turn my brain to pudding when I try to make sense of them. This … honestly I’m kinda curious if the donation buttons actually do work or if they just infect your computer with some sort of awful ransomware.

But while I’ve dedicated absolutely no seriousness and very little time to this endeavour I feel like I’ve already done too much and so I’m going to go give myself a manicure and then look at pinterest. I feel like that’s a more productive use of my time.

Doctor of Palaeopathology, rage-prone optimist, stealth berserker, opera enthusiast, and insatiable consumer of academic journals.

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