Melissa Carone’s “Viral” Moment Means Long-Term Morbidity for Her

Karma’s been hard at work these past few months.

Say what you will about Donald Trump, but he’s absolutely proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that only idiots and losers engage in authoritarianism and/or white supremacy. I’ve written piece after piece after piece about how white supremacy and authoritarianism/fascism are about failure and cultivate irrationality and stupidity. Other authors have written similar works. But, rarely do we get a chance to witness a white supremacist or authoritarian try to cash in and be almost immediately and subsequently karmically walloped.

Enter Melissa Carone. I already mentioned Miss Crazy. And I genuinely thought her totally-not-drunk performance in the Michigan legislature was going to be the end of it. I was curious as to why she would make such a clown of herself and sign affidavits regarding statements that were clearly false, but I figured that given the circus-like culture surrounding Trump and his douche-brigade we might get a few gifs or memes out of her and that would be it. Someone on Twitter suggested that she was an aspiring model, but we couldn’t really confirm it and the photo of her on the profile we found was so horrendous I kind of assumed it was probably itself a spoof.

Oh, but no. Giuliani’s fart continues.

I noted in my joke post on her (linked above) that she was working in Dominion’s IT department. I based that on what she herself said and frankly, it wasn’t that hard to believe. I know a number of programmers. Some are quite brilliant and some are … uh … not so much. So it’s not difficult for me to believe that Carone could both be deeply stupid and also have sufficient mastery of tech to work for Dominion in that capacity. But, as it turns out, she did not.

Honestly, this is so funny that I’m not even sure how to approach it. Carone not only wasn’t working IT for Dominion; she was a temp hired the day of to clean the glass. So I WAY overestimated her. I mean, there’s no shame in doing temp work. I do temp work when I need to fill in the gaps and I’ve done it since my early twenties. But never have I claimed based on a day of work in a state legislature that I was a trusted permanent member of a company given company secrets. The most I’ve done is say in a cover letter that as a temp employee I worked for a given company for a certain amount of time during which I executed various administrative tasks. I worked with a CFO, but I did not claim to be him.

Anyways, the thrust of all this is Carone may shortly be finding herself on the receiving end of a lawsuit. I’m not a lawyer so I don’t really know where this letter is going and I think Dominion may do better going after the Trump campaign rather than Carone, but I read this and very nearly voided my bowels. I thought she’d be done for perjuring herself but it did not occur to me that the company might come after her. I suppose it should have but, here we are.

The point here is not financial. Carone might end up in prison for this stunt of hers, but she does not have the sort of assets that could make up for the damage she did to Dominion with her false testimony. I doubt very much that Dominion will sue specifically her, and I think that if they did she could just declare bankruptcy. Again, not a lawyer.

But this puts her in the world’s suckiest position and she has no one to blame but herself. Carone doesn’t really strike me as a brilliant strategist so if she had an actual reason for testifying as she did it was probably something to do with publicity. Maybe she thought she could get a job with the Trump family or become a white supremacist darling or something. But even if that was her goal this letter from Dominion means it won’t happen. She embarrassed herself to the point that she probably will not be able to find work even through temp agencies and now her only way out of this will be to flip on people loyal to the Trumps meaning she can’t be employed with them either.

So, basically, this woman destroyed her own life in less than half an hour. I’d say she could write a book but I don’t know who would want to read that.

Doctor of Palaeopathology, rage-prone optimist, stealth berserker, opera enthusiast, and insatiable consumer of academic journals.

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