Dear Meghan Markle,

An Open Letter to the Woman who Could Steal my Partner and Married my (Distant) Cousin.

It’s not my place to judge you good or bad, but I’m so proud of you. I’m never going to stop making fun of the incredibly ineffectual way you reached for law tomes while playing a paralegal on Suits and you don’t need my approval, but I’m so thrilled you stood up for yourself and for your family. I’m really impressed that Harry found someone he could actually be in love with. You’re both terribly famous, but it looks like you hit the love jackpot as well. What you have is truly a rare and precious thing and I think that’s why your wedding so easily outshone that of your sister-in-law.

Actually, let’s talk about your sister-in-law for a moment. (Just a moment. We won’t dwell too long on her and her daily blow-outs.) My mother LOVED Lady Di and was all in for any royal wedding. But even she couldn’t find many nice things to say about Kate. In fact — as my mother put it — Kate went to school to get her Mrs. degree. She’s a pain like any basic … well … you know, but she’s just not worth it. As twitter at large put it she wanted to be Diana and ended up as Camila. Let her nurse her hurts. She’s barely ornamental.

Anyways, onto more relevant subjects.

Initially, I thought you two were a bit crazy for relinquishing your royal titles and all given the fact that you — as a Black woman — could have really improved the status of the crown and had some major positive influence on British government and the monarchy. But when I stopped to consider what they must have put you through I just marvel at the bravery and resilience it must have taken to survive all that. Even if it’s a gilded cage, it’s still a cage.

And when I truly consider it, you and Harry have lost nothing really. You will both still have the public eye and the chance to influence via whatever charities or works you choose to pursue. You are still and always will be international celebrities. All the good you might have done specifically for the crown you can still do. And I expect you shall. The losers in this situation are those associated with the crown. Had they done right by you, your work would have rehabilitated their reputation and protected the monarchy. Now they’re facing serious challenges. Whoopsie-doodles.

It is so clear how much your mother loves you and how much she worries about you. I can’t imagine how proud she must be that you are her daughter. She raised a good one. A friend pointed out how worried she looked on your wedding day. You were beaming, but she sat there stately and alone her face a mixture of pride and concern. Now that you’ve started slaying some of those dragons I hope she’s found some relief that she’s imparted a great deal of strength to you.

Lastly, let me say thank you for speaking plainly about having had suicidal ideation. I’m so sorry you went through that, but as someone who has attempted suicide I’m thrilled you had the courage to bring it out into the light. I am white so I cannot understand the racism you had to deal with. I do not have the basis to imagine what you went through in that regard. Someone I know commented about my fitness as a mother once and … well, I suppose they still technically exist, just not in my reckoning… so if someone had said anything untoward about the colour of my baby I can’t imagine what I would have done. That you had the class to take that kind of abuse — and I know that couldn’t have been the full extent of it — and keep on smiling is strength incarnate. It’s okay that you felt awful for a time. It’s okay that you had these thoughts. And whatever toll it took on you, it’s not fair, but your reaction was valid.

Meghan, I’m going to ask you to stay away from my partner, because he has a huge crush on you, but beyond that I just want you to know for whatever it’s worth, I think you did supremely well.

Doctor of Palaeopathology, rage-prone optimist, stealth berserker, opera enthusiast, and insatiable consumer of academic journals.

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