American History’s Most Rewarding Perp Walk

Straight from the White House to the Big House

Ariadne Schulz
4 min readNov 7, 2020
Trump being escorted from the White House on January 20, 2021

For the past few years I’ve had this wonderful little fantasy where Trump gets impeached or charged with treason or — oh, I don’t know — refuses to leave office after being clearly democratically defeated at the polls and is therefore dragged from the White House in handcuffs. And my dudes, it is looking increasingly likely that we are going to get to see this play out.

Get your popcorn ready.

Until rather recently whilst I indulged in this fantasy I didn’t really think it would happen. I was rather entertained at Trump’s twitter meltdowns and his speech of great untruths given on the evening of November 5th was truly entertaining.

Certainly, I did expect Trump to try to prematurely announce victory the evening of November 3rd before he had even secured Texas. And I wasn’t terribly surprised — in fact, I wasn’t really surprised at all — when he started throwing about lawsuits and telling all who would listen to his ravings that he was going to take this to the Supreme Court so his precious Amy and Brett could fix it for him.

Karma, however, and as I think we all now fully appreciate is one helluva b*tch. After Donnie boy made that speech claiming he’d won before he’d even surpassed 200…

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Ariadne Schulz
Ariadne Schulz

Written by Ariadne Schulz

Doctor of Palaeopathology, rage-prone optimist, stealth berserker, opera enthusiast, and insatiable consumer of academic journals.

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