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7 Steps to Becoming Your Ideal Karen
Everyone has a Manager and You Deserve to Talk to Them
Disclaimer: All of this is terrible advice. This is satire and you should do none of it. And as bad as Karens can be, white supremacy serves only white men and so white men are almost universally worse but receive little to no public censure. If you’re a white guy thinking you’re going to a-ha a white woman or any woman with this … don’t. Just don’t.
The world’s a hard place to navigate right now what with being legally required to not be a public health nuisance over both vaccines AND masks. Sometimes it’s hard to really take the time, light a $75 candle named for a celebrity’s private parts, and get to the excellence that you know dwells deep within. Take these seven steps on your path to self-actualization.
1. It’s (not) All in the Name
Not everyone can actually be named Karen. And even if your name is actually, “Karen,” you may be Karen but you are not necessarily a Karen. Being a Karen is a greater calling (to the manager). So fear not, all you Jenas and Christys and Elaines: you too can be a Karen!
It’s actually ideal if you’re not named Karen so that when you are called a Karen you can blubber a bit and then in a fit of white fragility pretending you don’t know…
